Am in that suit that I bought from Bangkok, navy blue in color, the very one suit that everyone tells me I look sharp in. The sad thing is that I hate this suit, with a passion.
It happened that El-Nino decided to cry like a silly kid deprived of its toy and it rained for a whole week. I had no clothes to put on for work the following day so immediately that evening I booked my flight to Bangkok. So I tell this friend, a guy obsessed with suits like me to get there early so that we don’t find our favorite store closed.
I have never been to Bangkok and so I call this friend asking him where exactly the store is. He tells me to find him at Bangkok Shopping Mall and am like, “Dude, you high on something?” How rich am I? Taking a flight to Bangkok to buy a suit to put on the following day?
It happens we have a Bangkok here in Kenya, in Eastleigh to be specific. The place people from the suburbs call Eastlands. So this dark friend of mine directs me to this Bangkok Shopping Mall where I buy this wooden suit that creates a robotic feeling in me. I think that the government should do a crackdown on all buildings that call themselves ‘Malls’ because clearly that was no mall.
So I buy this suit that friends around me say I look good in but I think deep in them they say, “Dude you can do better.” 112% polyester, this thing literally smells on ironing. But then again, It is Njaanuary. And I have not exhausted the 40days in the wilderness.
February is meant to offset the unpaid January bills but the devil spares no human with this Valentines crap. It is February and Valentines is rushing like a gushing river. You then miss your January where it was you and your ugali-sukuma but it’s now you and your new February girlfriend. I then again retract to some WhatsApp text; ‘This Valentines thing is so serious that this February you yawn and give a bad morning breath and the chic is like, “Aaaaaw babe, I love the curves that form at the sides of your mouth.” I was trapped. How do you start dating in February?
I start asking for kidnapping services from aliens who would hijack me on Friday and bring me back to earth on Monday but my message to space couldn’t be decrypted. January was real and February catches you off-guard and that WhatsApp text drops like, “Hey, what’s for Valentines?” You faint. You wake up, rush to the loo, the kitchen, to the balcony and back to your phone, fidgeting.
As a man, chivalrous, gentle and of valour, there are things you cannot tell a woman, ati ooooh you know…. NO! You also don’t kneel praying ‘No weapon formed against my wallet shall prosper’ You are a man. You handle your isht like any other male species, protecting your pack and that’s why you have her in the first place; except in situations like mine, where you have only dated for 12 days. 😂
I remember I have a wooden suit, that will do. I also remember that I have swept my bank account clean, that will not do and also the fact that this chic tells me no matter the situation, it will be her treat. That would also not work. NO!
A thought runs in you, ‘Hey girl, I don’t do dates, I have everything in my house, maize flour, rice, spaghetti etc, COME COOK’ It’s much fun than sitting facing each other talking in a different tone and refraining from touching your phone simply because it will sound rude and maybe there is this business account you manage and you have to have that post up. Did I mention Alexis of inCreatives? 😂😂😂
Cold Stone it is and Hercules walks his Macbeth into the creamery and the beepop ‘Bird’ is playing in the background. The playlist was soulful and warm, talk of John Coltrane, Stan Getz and Thelonius Monk to drive the conversation nuts with his crazy riffs and runs. Some other pieces I never fathomed played and who wouldn’t love to end with ‘Freddie Freeloader’ by Miles Davis and the famous Soft, Sexy Jazz Playlist? The one with covers of ‘Aint no Sunshine’ ‘Sexual Healing’ and ‘Fallin?’
“Hey, what are you taking?”
I was fantasizing. The aliens were abducting me but at the wrong time. My fantasy was so real that she had already ordered her ‘Strawberry Blonde’ and was already licking it. So that you wouldn’t want to match your wooden suit, “The Bangkok guy” you tell the guy with this adenoidal voice, just like Hercules himself, “Give me my all time favorite, the Mud Pie Mojo.” And he is like, “You got it man, that’s the real thing.”
You have swiped that debit, you grunt in your soul but you look at that glow in the dark face holding a strawberry blonde and the deep subconscious says, ‘She is worth it.’ You hold her hand and direct her to her seat, and you sit facing her watching every nook on her beautiful face twitch in spasms of joy and happiness. Then this sweet playlist of ‘Jazz for the rainy afternoon’ plays taking you to cloud nine, immersed in the sweet soprano sax harmonized with the bass cello with her sweet voice fading in the distance talking of sweet words of love and you get lost in bliss. Then suddenly…
Your Samsung makes the loudest noise ever and you snap out from that Romeo to this Bangkok guy again. You forget you are in a date and shout ‘Kubaff’ and you feel like smashing the phone to the floor. Sweet thing, she doesn’t know Swahili. It is a reminder that you have a doctor’s appointment the following day and since you have the chance you skim through your WhatsApp and find this in one of the groups;
Any plans for Valentine’s Day? Just remember its origin is satanic. It originated from nimrod, the founder of babylon which Rev 18.2 describes as, “home of demons and a haunt for every spirit.” Nimrod was worshiped among other names as lupercus whose focus was the fertility cult-hence, sexual oriented worship. The. Romans adopted this worship which they combned with sexual worship of the goddess named Juno Februata. In 496 A D pope Gelasius christinized this day in honour of St Valentine who been executed by emperor claudius on February 14th A D296. Pope aclaimed St Valentine as the patron of love with Feb 14 as the day to honour him in all kinds of sexual rituals including erotic dinners and festivals. Rose flower and heart shaped gifts were the main symbols. Believers,any articipation, even saying “happy Valentine day/ dressing/gift; is an act of idol worship. Google, valentine’s day.Rev David Githii.
“Sasa huyu Rev David Githii?”
“What Dear?”
“Oooh sorry just some guy here has lost my gadget.” You don’t want to say it’s a joke as she will insist on watching or reading. Girls hate techy stuff. 😂😂😂
It is then that you realize you didn’t need aliens to abduct you. You needed Rev. David Githii to send this message in time and you will be like, “Hey sweetie, I don’t do Valentine’s because I don’t really think it conforms to the practices of my belief.”
You do not need to wait till valentines to love someone. You do not need to express yourself fully to someone because it just that special day in the year where people buy flowers and put on red clothes. If you Google the history of these occasions, you will find a lot of controversy in them. What matters is, why are you doing it? What is deep in your soul as you do it? There’s also a lot of controversy on whether Christians should celebrate Christmas and so on. Remember, we are not under the law but under the grace. Valentines maybe associated with idol worship in the past but do you do the same? Do you commemorate the day based on what was done in the past?
You are probably aware of love is patient and kind, does not boast etc as in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Let me introduce you to some other sweet verses about love
Romans 12:9
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Romans 13:10
Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
1 John 4:18-19
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.