I am always late at any event be it Safaricom Jazz, Sondeka Festival or Blankets & Wine. It’s a disease which I think has to be diagnosed by a party freak! It is 3 pm and am planning to get there. It happens that my beloved sister and cousin fail to turn up after a deep agreed conversation of how we will present ourselves and have fun. So after the two cartoons failed me a very dark friend of mine saw my Instagram post and decided why not. I actually told him not to buy tickets for I have millions of them.
Being an amateur photographer, I decided to carry my Nikon D3200 with two lenses. One would think I work for the BBC or National Geographic by how serious I kept changing my 18-55mm and 70-300mm lenses. More often than not, I would change my lenses in front of the Nairobi beauties who held their Infinix Hot Notes posing like wild rabbits on other people’s cars and bikes. Wait… I was doing the same, only that I had a D3200 and had this BBC look. So I looked more of media rather than a wild rabbit.
A picture is worth a thousand words so let me cut the mumbling.
As late as we were, we went to get a view of the awesome bikes at the bike yard. Am not a bike fan. I actually was until Dj Styles and his crew almost blasted my ears in town while showing off their monster bikes in town. Actually near 20th Century. I don’t know what the above bike’s name. Maybe a Bentley! Who cares anyway…
I thought these guys were faithful. My piano’s make is a YAMAHA. Now they are making these things that almost blasted my ears in town? When I was hungry and sun scorched? YAMAHA, you guys stick to music, not blasting sounds of engines.
I saw this then I remembered this video
The hori hori hori sound is the most hilarious. I think one day I will buy a Harley Davidson, for my mother, as she turns 90.
How in the earth’s name do you even ride this crap? I loved one thing about this bike, the seat has a very wide space for fart allowance. I think this should be fitted with a fart absorber for people who fart! Like you!
No comments. I rather ride a donkey!
I saw this thing and remembered the #LuhyaTings hashtag on Twitter. Give a Luhya this thing and he gives you all his money, land, chicken and wife. The guy can even go the extra mile of giving you a discount of his kids. The only thing he wouldn’t give you is that sack of unga and that flask of tea. He needs the energy.
Thank God we were now done with the funny looking bikes so we head down to the old funny looking cars. People in Nairobi call them vintage and are so proud of them. If you come to my place Loitokitok one will laugh at you for driving such. To them the Toyota Fielder, Noah or Wish is the most prime car in the area. (Sorry guys, I don’t mean it, I will buy you choma in December)
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Before getting to the yard, I saw some two crazy guys we were with in high school who run a project or else a dance group called Art In Motion. I am not a hater of everything but these guys dance like maniacs. They have this unique style of not dancing like Kenyans. There is a way they dance like they are having a seizure. They vibrate their organs, not bodies. They stretch their hands to limits, they vibrate their cheeks and nails. Something they cant do in a dance floor. They dance all genres of music i.e. from Zilizopendwa to Hip Hop and to the slowest, Afro Fusion.
These are the famous guys who did Elani’s Zuzu. With all much hating, I can say these guys are amazingly talented. Thought they don’t dance Maasai. You should check them out. It’s been 6 years I have never seen one named Bobo and he sees me in a camera and like a kid who just caught a bird in mid-air, he almost jumps the bougainvilleafence and without saying hi he asks me to take photos of them. Am like, “Dude, where are your 6 years manners?” until I forgot I was showing off the power of my 70-300mm lens and the shot was as incredible as below.
P.S Ladies, Bobo is on the left, I of course don’t need to tell you that is Brian Chweya of Elani and on the right is Githendu. They are superstars but am not, that’s why am stuck to my computer writing about them.
They are all hotter than me of course which means am cooler than them. DEUCE!These guys have never had a photoshoot before. They follow me to the yard like how a gum stuck to my NIKE last week. (I own a powerful Nike BTW) These guys want to dandia my photoshoot so they take the first shots.
Clearly dancers just look like dancers. I know some chic who knows them will be like, “Gaaai, I know these guys!” Remember the phrase when you make it everyone will want to be identified with you? If these guys were pure hustlers with no content, then they couldn’t win this amazing photoshoot with me! But do I say…
Damn I hate being dark. All through my post I even forgot I had accompanied a dark being… Perhaps an extra-terrestial
It is obvious that you noticed the car first.
This guys is very dark too. Only that these guys are super creative. He wore a white shirt and he is looking in the direction of the sun. Again, do not be fooled, they come in many styles..
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Since some other guy here wouldn’t be left behind, he uses the dark guys style
This guy looks like an ex-convict
Look at how he inspects the car as if he knows how much it’s worth. Damn, I love being Kenyan.
Still wearing something white. White pants for OCR (Omera Character Recognition)
Enough with these dark guys pics. I started shooting the cars. I mean the handful of cars that had not yet gone home. The cars that wanted to hang out with other cars. The Sponsors KPT, KDU to the gachungwas KAV, KAD who didn’t have curfews.
I am sorry I am not a car fanatic but I can read the logo, the label or whatever you call those small slogans on the front or on the butt of cars.
I started with this Ugandan Volkswagen Beetle!
Then I shot a pic of this car whose name I don’t know. But it had something written MG. If am not wrong. Whatever MG means, Magnum? Big Milligram?
At least this I knew. I saw a dog, sorry something that looked like a leopard coming out of the car. Pouncing outside. The designer of this car failed because no matter how fast he drives he will never be as fast as the dog, sorry leopard. He could at least put it behind the car to look like he is dragging it. But he couldn’t name it Jaguar!
My black friend decided to do something unique on this…
Then there was this car with a logo of a snake. I thought now I could get medication for my cold. The logo looked like a hospital logo and I expected more of ‘Free Medical Camp’ rather than ‘Alfa Romeo Owners Club Kenya’
Now, I loved this. Maybe because it is red and I thought of the Maasai red ochre.
But again, not the free medical camp Kenya.
“Baba wa taifa, mtukufu Daniel Toroitich Arap Moi aingia uwanjani alafu akague gwaride.” Why would anyone bring a 109 to Concours? It is Jamhuri or Mashujaa Day?
Hi sweetie, I got a Mercedes. Wanna Ride? (I doubt any Ujandan can givu a clear English like thati)
There were more snakes than cars.
And misplaced bikes.
Finally I have seen a BMW. Do you know what BMW stands for? Someone stole my Wanjiku so I should go to him and say BMW(Bring My Wanjiku)
And I watched another episode of Cinderella
Do you guys know what the hell Riley is?
Phew am almost done with this episode of cars. I am not a car fanatic but I love rims. I prefer if people bought rims and hanged them in their living rooms, see, it rhymes! And clean them with Vim, see, it rhymes again!
What made me hate cars the more is that even after the flossing, the horse power sijui the engine what and the 1877 models all these cars are not manually driven. They are carried off like toddlers. They are just for show off. Imagine going to an event full of toddlers, taking pic with them and the one with the oldest diaper wins? Nkt.
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Anyway, back to my photo-story. This black Nigga inspects these guys as if they are his. He even requests that the owner may open the bonnet so that he can take a photo
While me on the other hand…
At least you saw me. That is me above!
Do you know that pose that you are not taking photos with cars. That pose you do pretending to be viewing an asteroid and you are not a damn astronaunt? Yes!
And this is what I meant when I said am cooler than all of them
But this black friend took photos of all the cars.
Now, have you ever gone to an event and some random people just catch your’ shooting’ actions and they say they want to appear on TV? In every event I go, I will make sure I mount my 70-300mm lens. That will make me like an amazing media house photographer.
I find these two guys… And they just pose for photos. They don’t fear that am going to post their photos in the Kilimani Mums Facebook group or even regard them as buildings and terrorize them.
And finally I find this Nairobi beauty with sweet dimples. This is when I held my camera like a macro photographer and screwed my focus for like 30minutes, just to impress this beauty!
Kenyans love free things. But this one asked, where can we get these photos? In which I gladly replied, in NatGeoWild.
I thought he was alone…
Then the chic at the center said haonekani… So I had to use the flash, like an amateur
Perfect!
These seizure guys again! Oooh I forgot to mention Kenyans love free things
Ladies, call me for his number
Nigga please… We know you have a big mouth
Haha. Why do Kenyans all of a sudden take the serious look?
I hate dancers…
So much
I am not posting any other photo of you guys
That was it guys, the #ConcoursD’elegance2015. For those who missed, I still have an extra ticket in my bag. For my cousin who failed to turn up. This was a long post and you are not paying me so goodbye!