I can really attest to what it is to have everything in life. I was born from a wealthy family, went to the best schools, dined at the finest restaurants with the who is who in my country and generally had anything and everything I asked for from my parents. I was the second last born from a family of five. My elder brother, James, the genius workaholic was an electronic engineer at NASA, Edna was a air hostess who volunteered to work under no pay claiming the firm’s resources could not complement half of what she spends in a day. She was proud and full of herself. She was also compassionate and really came through in times of need. Sally was rogue, she told dad that she will be a stripper to tarnish his name. This is because at the age of 16, he denied her to hang out with her friends at wee hours of the night. She is girlfriend to the leader of the biggest drug cartels in our country.
Then I followed, a cryptex that no one was really able to unmask. Jane was our last born. Born out of wedlock, she was despised by all the other siblings except me. She was apple to my eye. She was my beating heart and I loved her to death. She was unlike us, she was passionate, loving and caring. She was humble and loved reading a lot. She was fun and careful. My immense love to her made my elder siblings call us ‘The lost lot.’ They had hated mum because she tarnished our family image by having an affair with dad’s greatest enemy. The media and blogs we quick to publish the shame that befell on our family. Though they got back together and my elder siblings forgave mum, they didn’t forgive the little soul. They blamed her for all the misfortunes that we had.
My father was a prominent person, a business man who shook our country’s economy. Though some of his wealth was acquired right and just, he was devious in the acquisition of most of his wealth. He used to drain all his guilt on the immense contributions he gave to charity but that never really worked as depression and hypertension was killing him. He would spend a quarter his wealth on therapy, yoga and counselling sessions that were tailored for him from all around the world. My mother was the beauty that my dad set eyes upon as he traveled upcountry to seize wealth in one of his many dubious means to prosperity. She was not well of, she was a poor but very beautiful village girl who was humble. Her downside was that she loved the flashy lifestyle. In most of his blasphemous statements, my dad would narrate how he was like Jesus who found the woman at the well and he told her, ‘Follow me and I will make you a fetcher of wealth not village water.’
All my family members were proud and full of themselves except little Jane. I could not understand who I was exactly, at times I was proud, other times I humbled myself, other times I was rogue and abused everyone, sometimes I was social and fun but most times I was locked into my room re-writing sadist fictional stories of Cinderella, Peter Pan, Adventures of Tom Sawyer etc. I was sometimes an introvert and other times an extrovert. After clearing my undergraduate degree I wanted to move out of our mansion, a move despised by many, I was strongly opposed not until Sally and Edna suggested that we move out with Jane who was a nuisance. My dad bought us another mansion, furnished it and asked us whatever we wanted. He gave me quite a big chunk of monthly income from one of his businesses.
I wanted to do something with my life, sometimes I admired James’s life and I asked my dad if I could manage one of his businesses. He strongly opposed saying that his ultimate goal was that his kids should be free from any slavery. He said that we should the wealth he created for us. He used to say, ‘Ask whatever thing in my name and I will give it unto you.’ We were all irreligious as religious people were filth to us. They were poor church mice who will frequently grunt on how unfair the world was and wait for some deity to meet their needs. We used to call them illusionists. Somehow deep inside I used to feel wrong when dad made himself our God. We worshiped him, we would surely ask anything in his name but something was not good in that. I had all the money I wanted, all the cars I would wish to have, all the buildings and land I would wish to own but deep inside I was not satisfied. I loved writing, it is the only thing I loved doing. I loved music. I used to play the bass. I had no friends, my upbringing taught me that friends make you weak. I was convinced that the strongest man is he who stands alone.
My Jane and I would drive to whatever place we wanted to. With private security and escorts around us, we would then hit rich peoples car, wreck ours and pay them for new ones just for the fun of it. We would go to reserves and parks and do illegal hunting which made the headlines in the news and social media. Juno, the cartel leader was an ally to my dad. They were not in terms because of Sally. They however had to be affiliates as Juno provided security and my dad cleared any obstacle in the government to give Juno’s drug business a safe pass. My dad and Juno made the government, they were top of the food chain who cared less about the ills they were doing. Deep inside, my dad wanted to be a changed man, he wanted to help the poor and cut everything loose but he had strict warning from Juno not to do that. That is why he remained a troubled and a wretched soul trying to find meaning in his life.
Mary was the girl who made my world turn in circles. She was a waitress at some fancy restaurant, one that I frequently visited just to get my eyes refreshed by her alluring physique and talk. She was tall, her kohl-black hair plunging over her shoulders. She had saccharine sweet lips that were blossom soft and her demure personality that always made Jane snap her fingers on my face to keep me alert. I remember that day when Jane and I stepped into the restaurant and cleared everyone off paying them off because we needed the whole building by ourselves. Juno’s men stood watch. I remember how the restaurant owner, who happened to be Juno’s rival in the drug world, called his men and a scuffle ensued. 4 of his men and 1 of Juno’s men were shot dead. It was the first time I ever saw someone die in cold blood. I was shocked. As we were being cleared out of the restaurant, I grabbed Mary’s hand and ran off to the car. We went back home only to find the furious god raving mad and breathing fire, ‘Look at what you have done.’ The ordeal was already trending in the news and the government was now calling to stop Juno and my dad for the series of trouble their kids were causing.
I rushed to my room, feeling a void in me. Seeing that that was not the life I was supposed to live. I bitterly cursed the day I was born. I loathed being rich. I in fury talked back to my dad, telling him of how I hated him and how evil he was. He disowned me, his exact words were, “No single soul talks back to me. I would have killed you if you were not my blood. Leave my house and take these two hopeless souls of yours away, know that I will always remain your god, you will come back begging for more and I will treat you like a slave. I will make your days as dark as satan’s version of my childhood. And you will in eternity praise and worship me to give you life. Do not in your stupid, wretched and miserable life try anything stupid for I will kill everyone around you. You will dictate how many people die by how you behave.”
With tears flowing on my cheeks I took Jane and Mary. Jane was on my left as Mary, in fear clung to my right arm. We were walking down the compound and just as we were near the gate my ears went deaf as I felt a heavy weight puling my right arm. I was frightened. I felt weak as I let loose the weight on my right. Mary was shot. Her weak self was groaning in pain lying lifeless to the ground. Tears welled up my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. My dad, handing over the gun to one of Juno’s men approached me and said, “Do not bite the hand that feeds you lad. How many times do I have to remind you that you are the son of a king? A son of the most high and that you require a dramatic exit? What was that porshe for? Do you think your old man is too poor to afford another one?” I was confused. Jane was terrified. We maybe thought that he planted a bomb in the car and wanted to kill us. “Do you want me to blow this one’s brain out as well?” He asked grinning like a mole on heat.
We took off with the car he bought me on my graduation party and drove off. We went to the house he had bought me. I had quite a chunk on my account in which three-quarter, I gave Jane and told her to do something sensible with it. I went to my bedroom, packed some few casual clothing to my bag and kissed Jane on the forehead promising her that everything was going to be all right. I was leaving her, for good. I had now found purpose and meaning in my life, and that was to stop my dad and Juno. Tears welled here eyes as she said, “You are the only person who truly loved me, despite everything you stood by me, but I was the worst person in your life. I knew what you were doing was wrong, I wanted to stop you but I decided that I should share in your crooked fun ways because you were there for me. Forgive me.” My heart was as cold yet as rigid as a boulder in ice. I said no words to her. I just walked out with a mission in my head.
I took a cab. I went downtown to an ATM and got a good chunk out. It was dark. Alone I walked to the braggarts of the land, from the callow youngsters to the captious gang leaders. I was walking to the ghetto, fully aware of the risks I was exposing myself to. Walking down the alley, I was startled by clicking guns. I was surrounded by young topless ghetto youth with the muzzles of their guns pointed at me. This mid-aged guy tattooed all over stood close to me asking, “Well, well, well, what do you have here? Who are you and where the hell are you doing in my town?” I was numb, unafraid to die as I had seen a lot that day. I instead reached for my bag and the sound of the cocking of the guns was enough to make me mutter a word or rather words that were coupled with fear, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” I reached for my bag and got out quite a chunk of money and handed it over to the guy. He raised his rifle and hit me on the face. The butt of his rifle broke my nose and his last kick on my head slowly made me slide into the oblivion as his fading voice yelled, “You think am a poor brat?”
I woke up topless, chained to a wall, in what seemed to be a warehouse or a ruin of a famous landmark. The ill-mannered, foul-languaged guys all had weed puffing in their mouths and noses. I overhead a distant conversation,
“Do you really want to do this to The Crow’s son?”
“I bet you remember how it really went down last time Juno’s men ambushed us.”
“The boy is terrified, seems like The Crow has something to do with it, furthermore he had no security.”
“The lad is a runaway, maybe running from his father, do you really want us to get killed? Baddy?”
“QUIET!!! QUUUIIIEEEET!!” The man who kicked me woke up silencing the room with a horrendous voice.
“Look at who just woke up, how about you give us a little story.” There was laughter and uproar in the oxygen-deprived room.
“I don’t want any trouble. I was just passing by?” I muttered
“Do you want my girlfriend? She is a fine Latino.” He jeered, “How about you cut the crap and tell me who sent you and what the hell you are doing here? Did your father sent you? Is Juno playing a trick on us?”
“Yes! I was sent to come and kill you all you bunch of losers, you want to kill me first please do. You want us to be allies and stop these losers, give it your best shot. You want money from me? I have none. You want to use me as a scapegoat to infiltrate my father? You will fail miserably and he will massacre the whole lot of you. You want his secrets? His devious ways, his links? I am your guy. Think of it as win/win or a lose/lose situation.” I shouted at the top of my voice raging in anger.
The guy came close to me and said, “You are a smart boy. Now get this piece of crap off this wall, we’ve got business to do.” I couldn’t explain how many friends I made in the next few days. I couldn’t tell how sexually immoral and how an addict to drugs and gambling I became. I squandered all I had to buy the friends around me and I soon learnt how to hold the gun, clean the gun and to fire the hell out of someone but I never killed anyone. Street fights became the norm where we used to fight with other gangs and police would always come to get hold of us. I was now vulnerable to the police as I was no longer The Crow’s son. I talked to Baddy about renaming our gang and call it ‘The Crow Spit’ to show my dad that I was coming for him. I had forgotten about Jane. I had lost track of time and I still felt the void and emptiness in my heart but I used to temporary fill it with drugs.
Ghetto life was all about drugs, there was no time for food. Anything you bought was shared among your boys who were ever high and skinny due to hunger. I remember this one time when we robbed a church. How I shot the priest’s shoulder as he delayed opening the safe and my boys were all over cursing me for opening fire with no resistance. They fled as they shouted that I have alerted the police. As they were running, this old man looked into my eye and told me, “You were not destined for this. You were destined for something bigger. You are a good person. You seem like it. Please come back, this time not to steal but I will give you something bigger.” I was convicted about these words. I asked him what he knew about me and he told me that he was sure that my friends were going to die that day but I will be spared. As I was running out he shouted to me, “Boy, use this other way. I was not slow because I was old, I had already pressed the buzzer. I was buying time, your friends will be shot dead by the police. Go home. Think about your life”
“And why should I trust you? Are you God?” I asked jokingly.
Sirens filled the air and an exchange of gunfire outside alerted my ears. I thought, “If this old man is telling the truth or lying, I would be dead anyway.” I used the dungeon and escaped. I rushed back to the hood and found all the guys in anticipation. They asked me where the rest were since they heard about the exchange of fire. It was then that they saw in breaking news that Mat and Dave were killed. One, Bird came and punched me on the face cocking his gun and digging it to the back of my head. His words that I was a traitor, a hired gun were so vehement that made me tremble uncontrollably. He asked me of how I managed to escape. All the rest followed suit saying that I was not man enough to leave my family to die in cold blood as I enjoy their women. It was then that Baddy came to my rescue reminding me of our biggest mission which that was to stop my father and Juno. The gang split into two accusing Baddy of being a traitor. They resolved that they should either shoot me dead and bury the hatchet or send me away unscathed but never to be seen in the hood.
They sent me away. I went to live deep in the slums, a different hood altogether. I had rough times with our rival gangs and I had to hide in The Crow Spit’s loyal joints. I was sheltered by a stripper at one of the joints. I was suffering withdrawal effect from the drugs I used to take. I was always hallucinating. I could not get out as my life was in danger. I was lost, bereft and thought of going back to my father. His words were now live in my ears. I wished to be his slave. I wished to be one of Juno’s men.My vacuous self made me resent my life. I was beaten by the bullies, brushed off by the mighty and reduced to the size of a whisker. I tried to commit suicide to no avail. I was depressed and thoughts of visiting the priest bombarded me but my pride wouldn’t let me bow down to a God I had not seen. I knew that my dad was my God and if I made things right with him, I would be much better. One day, the stripper who housed me came with another man in the house and a strife ensued between us. I broke everything in the house as I struggled to beat the man off. I was weak. I had nothing to live for. The man kicked me on my side and broke my ribs. My face was in a pretty bad shape and was full of blood. He drew his gun and pointed at me. The lady screamed and begged the man not to kill me.
I loved to witness my death. I yelled to the top of my voice asking the man to kill me as he would be doing me a big favor. He threw me off the glass window and fell into the mud. It was raining. The ground was cursed for me. The clouds were raging in anger and the thunderous sky was yelling at me. The heavy downpour was washing my blood away into the trajectories of an ugly and a sinful nature of self. I stood up and started walking, drowning in muddy waters mixed with effluence from the sewer. As I was struggling through alleys of darkness, thoughts started streaming through my skull. My head was pounding in pain and I started hallucinating. I saw my father dressed in white with a gold crown on his head saying, “I told you loser that I am king.” Again, Jane pulled me and said, “No. He is not king. He is evil.” The priest would then tap my back and say, “Son, rethink your life. You are not a loser, you have not lost it yet.” I would see Sally telling me of how much of a loser I was and how lost I was. Edna would then cry in pain as she sympathized with me telling me to apologize to dad.
I didn’t know where I was going. I was drenched. The cold was very harsh and I was shivering like effervescence. The lighting was striking in anger, perhaps to tell me, this is the end of you. The world was lamenting my death summoning me to pay for my sins. I had to seek shelter. I looked to my front and there was the Church. I walked two steps to the front but something circumscribed me into resistance. I looked to my left and a cat yowled at a distance. I took a glance to my right and saw a dilapidated house. As I walked near, it crashed down as the raging trajectories carried away its faint pieces of wood. I had to look for a higher ground or else gushing dirty water in the multiple trajectories would take me down. That would be a humbling and a stupid way to die for the son of The Crow. The church was at a higher ground but my pride and pain wouldn’t let me go near it. I stopped and bellowed at the top of my voice, “Hey! Why don’t you kill me already? You God of the poor. Why don’t you just send the lightning to strike me dead?”
I saw light close to the church. It was a house and I roared in pride, “Phew! Thank to man’s creation that I couldn’t enter your house. I cannot down my pride to such a level.” I walked to the house. My left rib was burning in pain. I could feel it twitch. As I was almost 50 meters to the house, the downpour got exasperated at my sight of help. I fell on the washed away ground. I could not walk anymore. I dragged myself with my feet and hands as tears of intense pain flowed down my ruddy cheeks. As I tried to drag my torso, a blinding lightning struck and I slid 5 meters below. I clung to a shrub whose base was being washed away by the gushing waters. I looked below and gushing waters were bitter with uproar. Streams of murk complimented the rushing waters and they wanted to swallow me alive. I started hallucinating again, I saw my mother giving me a hand. I grabbed it. My father, out of the blue was pointing a gun to her head and she let go of me. Edna shouts to dad that that was not right, that am his own blood but Sally laughs and mocks at me saying, “Now save yourself boy!”
One root of the shrub cut off and I closed my eyes as I slid into another mental vision. I see Baddy giving me the muzzle of his rifle to cling to and when I was out, his gang shot him dead in cold blood and I rushed down to hide, again clinging to my shrub. I hear Mary whispering, “I loved you, and I always wished to have a life like yours, only to die because of you.” I plead with her to help me but she walked away. Another root of the shrub cut off and only one root remained. I feared for my life. I didn’t want to die again. I remembered the priest telling me to re-think your life! “Could that be the solution?” I thought. I thought about my life, how crooked it has been, how I cursed and resented to it. I asked myself of where evil men like my dad and Juno came from. I realized that we mere mortals are all flesh and blood and were all bound to die. I realized that we have a timeline that we should make good use of. I thought of the old priest and I felt the shrub getting weaker. I decided to shout to the word to help me, or whoever made the world. I shrieked, “You have been convicting my soul all since, have mercy on me. Save me. At least let me die a honorable death.”
A bright light flashed on my face as the shrub was losing its grip to the ground. I thought that God has indeed answered my prayer and I was going to die a honorable death. I saw two figures stretch their hands to me. I was getting weaker as I had lost a lot of blood. The furious cold had also made my hands numb. I tried as much to pull my right hand and get it close to the outstretched hand to no avail. The light became brighter and I closed my eyes. Something told me that I could do this. I pulled my hand with all the little strength I had to reach the outstretched hand but the shrub cut off.
Someone grabbed my left hand and I managed to reach my numb right hand to the outstretched hand. The light rolled down the anthill and was swept off by the water. The two figures pulled me up to the higher ground. I was out of breath. I was all shivering and in pain. I felt as if I was strangled of air. I was lying down on a pavement and I open my eyes. I saw the church and a distorted figure of a familiar face. It was a girl. I tried to open the dying sockets wide and my eyes felt warm, they felt consoled by the sight. I whispered, “Jenny… I….” I passed out.
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