A while back, Pastor Tatenda Chikwekwe asked this on his Facebook profile:
To anyone on my TL who doesn’t attend Church at all or who stopped going to Church. What are your reasons? #RealTalk #NoJudgement #HonestyOnly
I was curious to read the messages and comments and I saw myself in them. I saw the me that really hated and criticised the Church in the past
This past week I decided to ask the same question on my Facebook page.
I got several feedbacks on WhatsApp, Facebook and my Sarahah. I just decided to take the position of those who gave me feedbacks and write letters to pastors telling them why I (they) do not come to church.
I will also explain why I hated church so much and why Church is now my pillar. The core or my salvation.
This post aims to bridge the gap between church leaders and former church-goers, for Church leaders to understand why people do not come to church, to try and explain what is the Church and why it is important to go to Church.
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“Dear pastor, I wonder what is wrong with traditional culture/religion. Why should I believe in a White Jesus? What is/was wrong in what my ancestors believed in?
“Dear pastor, what is the point of you teaching against betrayal if that is what you do? I trusted you in sharing about my struggles but you backstabbed me by sharing exactly what I told you with other people. Did you have fun while my role as a leader was stripped off simply because you and others thought that I had too much baggage and was unfit?”
“Dear pastor, there is someone in Church I cannot forgive. I mean, that church is full of evil people. How can someone do and say that of me? With all due respect, I would want to come to church but I cannot stand seeing someone I hate lifting their hands in pretense. And you know what? I am better placed outside the Church because I read my Bible, I pray and we are cool with God.”
“Dear pastor, do you know I am a Bible scholar? And yes I don’t believe in that book of yours. We do not need some guide or referenced material to point our lives out.”
“Dear pastor, I worked in Church for a year and after that, I was unable to attend service for a year plus. I was disillusioned.”
“Dear pastor, your Church cares not about people suffering from mental health, I mean we just have to pray mental disorders like depression and schizophrenia away. Really?”
“Dear pastor, there are so many double standards for the rich and the poor in Church. Are the rich special in some way? Will they be also rich in heaven?”
“Dear pastor, I only see happy people in Church, I see no broken people like me. It is all about people with happy faces giving testimonies and testifying of God’s miracles. Is it like an after-sale service or something? And what do these people buy?”
“Dear pastor, there is too much bureaucracy in Church. It is better a political office than Church. Even serving in Church is just too hard I need to know someone or meet a certain threshold.”
“Dear pastor, there are too many holy people in Church, I feel outside, I cannot fit in.”
“Dear pastor, modern religion is so detached from God. It has morphed into something that primarily serves the interests of man. If you look closely you’ll discover even the so-called Bible (which I term as a middle east history book) is greatly misinterpreted.”
“Dear pastor, I am a pastor’s kid. The society and the church itself expects us to behave in a certain way. And if we don’t we are treated differently. At some point, I felt like I was going to Church to meet their expectations. Circumstances forced me to live in a certain way. It was just too much. I had to leave and stick to couch ministries.”
“Dear pastor, Church has become about; who knows who, who does what, who has what, who stays were and wears what and you get judged by what you do, what you drink or eat. It’s not about life anymore. It’s not about reaching out to the other for encouragement or God’s love. It’s not about forgiveness or kindness. It’s just a messed up place.”
“Dear pastor, Church has become routine.”
“Dear pastor, this is the thing. The world today is more connected than before, hence I can Google and spot a lie from a mile away. I don’t want to listen to plasticine Theology which has no connection to my context. I don’t want to be told that all I have to do is work and pray in a world where I can clearly see it’s the political systems that are failing my success. I don’t want to be educated in Victorian ethics/eurocentric norms of Christianity. I don’t want to be told what I can do for the church rather I want to hear what the church will do for the community. I want to hear the church talking about Justice. I want to hear the church talking about how not to be corrupt in a world that is corrupt by design and not have integrity in what they feed us. I want to be in a church where the Pastor is a community leader, and he understands the context and needs of his community. I want to be in a church that embraces technology, not to be cool but leverages on its power to disseminate information. I want to hear my Pastor talking about the Kingdom of heaven and not the Kingdom of the Church. I want to be in a Church that from Monday to Saturday is a rehabilitation center, an NGO, a school, hospital (depending on the needs of the people) and not a building of self-grandeur. I want a church that affirms my blackness but is not diversionary to otherness.”
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“Dear pastor, I struggle with my sexual orientation, the church failed to embrace me and walk with me. Instead, I was taken for deliverance session and told not to say anything to anyone. I feel like the church pretends like same-sex attraction doesn’t exist. They failed to show me the love of Jesus. I knew a lot of people in the same church who also struggled with it but never said because they fear judgment. No offense but I’m never coming back to such a fake place.”
“Dear pastor, I stopped attending church about 4 years ago because I was discriminated against. I was treated very unfairly by the pastor and one or two other “high-ranking” members. To this day I am hesitant to join a congregation.”
“Dear pastor, I just bring my son to Church to learn. As for me I am old enough to know what is wrong or right.”
“Dear pastor, I cannot apply your sermon in my life.”
These were some of the responses that were in both Pastor TC’s and my timeline. I cannot answer all these questions but I can gear my fellow theological writers, (including pastors and leaders who would want to participate) to do in-depth Bible exegesis that center on these questions and do articles on our apologetics page.
So let’s first get some definitions of the Church.
Many people today understand the church as a building. This is not a biblical understanding of the church. The word “church” comes from the Greek word ekklesia which is defined as “an assembly” or “called-out ones.” The root meaning of “church” is not that of a building, but of people. It is ironic that when you ask people what church they attend, they usually identify a building. Romans 16:5 says “… greet the church that is in their house.” Paul refers to the church in their house—not a church building, but a body of believers. – gotquestions.org
Another definition of the Church is.
Gregg Allison, professor of Christian theology at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, provides the following definition of the church his book, Sojourners and Strangers: The Doctrine of the Church, Foundations of Evangelical Theology, ed. John Feinberg(Wheaton: Crossway, 2012), 29–30.
The church is
- the people of God who
- have been saved through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ and
- have been incorporated into his body through baptism with the Holy Spirit.
It consists of two interrelated elements:
[1] The universal church is the fellowship of all Christians that extends from the day of Pentecost until the second coming, incorporating both the deceased believers who are presently in heaven and the living believers from all over the world. [2] Local churches
- are led by pastors (also called elders) and served by deacons,
- possess and pursue purity and unity,
- exercise church discipline,
- develop strong connections with other churches, and
- celebrate the ordinances of baptism and the Lord’s Supper.
Equipped by the Holy Spirit with spiritual gifts for ministry, these communities regularly gather to
- worship the triune God,
- proclaim his Word,
- engage non-Christians with the gospel,
- disciple their members,
- care for people through prayer and giving, and
- stand both for and against the world. – The Gospel Coalition
And now, the final definition of the Church:
Many are asking, “What is the church?” Pastor Jeff Vanderstelt believes we’re asking the wrong question, because the Bible uses that word to describe a group of people, not a gathering or event. So we really should be asking, “Who?” not what.
His answer? “The church is the regenerate people of God saved by the power of God for the purposes of God in this world.” This means we don’t stop being the church when we walk out of the building on Sunday morning. Instead, everything we do, we do as the blood-bought church of God, for the fame of Jesus, everywhere. – Desiringgod.org
Gotquestions.org further describes the church as being:
The church is the body of Christ, of which He is the head. Ephesians 1:22-23 says, “And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” The body of Christ is made up of all believers in Jesus Christ from the day of Pentecost (Acts chapter 2) until Christ’s return.
This definition simply answers most questions posed above. This definition sets apart the role of the pastor. The pastor doesn’t own the Church but most think he/she does. Most people think that when they do not go to church they are not going to Pastor so and so’s Church. I understand that it is a wild world and some church leaders will claim a Church to be theirs. Well, this is a story for another day.
The church belongs to God. It is the bride of Christ (2 Corinthians 11:2; Ephesians 5:25-32). Greg Alison states that the Church’s role is to:
- worship the triune God,
- proclaim his Word,
- engage non-Christians with the gospel,
- disciple their members,
- care for people through prayer and giving, and
- stand both for and against the world. – The Gospel Coalition
Most people and even Christians believe that the Church is a building. They believe that it is just a physical sanctuary where people come to pray, sing, go for keshas, dress well, declare how good God has been and go home. Well, this reminds me of a certain sermon by a friend Peter Pages titled, “Don’t come to Church, be the Church” where he taught about the person (you) being the Church.
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I hated the Church before, I mean, how could the pastors get rich, speak about my giving, take my cash and tell me God will bless me? How is God physical to them in my giving but I have to wait patiently and in faith for Him? I hated being a part of an assembly, a part of fake people who had a Christian lingo. A group where I had to lie, to look like something else to fit in. I wanted to be somewhere where I could fit in and blend easily, and that part for me was the world. “Why should I fake a life I cannot live in? Why should I be someone I deeply know am not? My friends will think am mad or am joking. And why should I play with God?” I thought.
It was not when I started seeing the Church as more of a hospital that I rethought my ways. I asked myself, what then? After the party? After the “Nimewacha pombe moments” and the crazy hang downs? What next from cussing, from keeping a bad company and blowing your ears off every weekend? What next from dating several girls, breaking each other’s hearts and loop?
I realized that I needed a hospital, a hospital that healed my broken heart, from the feeling of unworthiness and from the feeling that I never deserved God’s sight let alone His presence because of all what I had done. I needed a break from the loop. I needed a break from trekking through the desert. A dry place that only had minimal quails and bitter water.
Then I read more about this hospital, a hospital where the doctor told me to, “Come as you are. Wïth all your dirt, your rot and smelly scars and I will get you back in shape. I read about this hospital that never condemned anyone of their illness. A hospital where I never needed to fake how well I was so that other recovering patients would associate with me.
As I read about this hospital, I realized that I have been here before. Since childhood, I had been going to the same hospital but along the way, I had willingly exposed myself to pathogens that made me ill. But then again as I read the hospital’s manual which contained messages from the head doctor, He said that no matter how much I exposed myself to these bacteria, He would heal me. The difference with any other hospital was that in this one, I wasn’t being charged a penny.
The hospital of clubbing came with a price. And so was the hospital of lust. The hospital of treachery also came with a price so dear and so was that of fornication etc. But this one hospital healed of all those wounds that came from other hospitals. But at times nurses became the problem. At times junior doctors took advantage of the patients for their own private gain but I later realized that even junior doctors were still patients. They had diseases of their own.
The main doctor told me that they were many doors, many departments, and many specialists but He was the best of them all. Only through Him could I get treatment. I was overjoyed. I went to many clinics in search of Him but I found several stumbling blocks. This reminded me of the junior doctors who took advantage of patients like us for their own private gain, but the main doctor told me that He had just appointed them to lead the various clinics and they were also patients like me who needed his counsel too.
I finally found a clinic and I started my treatment. Along the way, I found nasty nurses, I found other patients who were too ill to be attended in that clinic and I thought they were better off rotting in the world and at home etc. I realized that I was recovering and wanted to serve but other nurses were too brutal on me saying that I still had wounds that needed healing. I saw their wounds were bigger than mine and I was about to ask them why they felt holier than thou but the main doctor told me, “Hush, I appoint, I call, I predestine.”
It was not until I found my life-long foe in one of the wards attending to a patient and laughing with more others. I was certain and sure that this was a fake nurse who knew nothing about treatment. I was certain they were not supposed to be there. I was sure that they even exposed themselves to more bacteria and I was ready and willing to prove it. I told the main doctor that I would never come to that clinic again if they were still there. I told Him that I couldn’t stand their sight and I was better off at home but He calmly replied, “Look at your wounds, look at how much you constantly expose yourself to dirtier environments, are you clean? Look at your wounds. Look at how fast you are willing to judge and condemn them and you want to be in the same position to serve. Vengeance is mine.”
I felt so ashamed of myself. I cried to the doctor apologizing for what I was constantly thinking about. Even after he constantly healed me, I still went back to dirtify myself. Even after he cleaned me and gave me a clean pair of clothes I tore them in between fights and rolled in mud willingly, practically returning Him to the cross and here I was forgetting the log in my eye and trying to remove the speck in others. Here I was thinking that this nurse was better off outside the clinic. Here I was thinking that me too, I was better off outside the clinic because I can do without this doctor.
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Now, take the hospital to be the universal church and the clinic to be the local church. Take the main doctor to be Christ, junior doctors to be pastors, bishops or other church leaders and the nurses to be people who serve in church e.g. praise and worship leaders, ushers, instrumentalists etc.
Now consider yourself to be the patient. When you get ill and you really need treatment, where is your faith in? Do you hate the nurse because she has a bad look? And when you are not satisfied with the services of that hospital do you go looking for a better option? What makes you think that another hospital is the better option? Isn’t it the people who tell you such and such hospital is better? Isn’t it the track record the hospital has? And when you go to that other hospital where is your faith in?
How many people have told you about Christ? About this better hospital? Talking of track record, how many lives have been changed by the Gospel of Christ? Do you stop going to the hospital and await your death because you hate the nurses? Because there was bureaucracy? Because you were not understood by other patients? Because you were a junior pastor’s kid and other patients had expectations of you? Do you stop going to the hospital because you believe there was nothing wrong with herbal medicine? But how many clinics are there anyway? The main doctor gave you a gift, something we call a discerning spirit to know them by their fruits and tells you, “Beware of false junior doctors.”
Know that the main doctor knew you even before you were born. Know that in every clinic, we are all patients, including the junior doctors. Ironically we are also all hospital staff that together help bring other patients into this hospital and help them with their treatment. So do not hate another patient for being too sick, instead, help them, or pray that the main doctor may heal them.
Do not struggle too much with your herbal medicine do not try to heal those wounds by yourself. Your herbal medicine is, “You know me am like this, you know people are different, you know the hospital is not just my thing, you know all junior doctors are thieves that’s why these days they have golden stethoscopes.” Do not try too much by yourself. Tell the main doctor to work on wounds such us unforgiveness, hate, slander, debauchery, scorn, fear etc. Above all tell the main doctor to heal you from the fear, paranoia or nausea that is holding you back to get to the nearest clinic. Tell Him to give you a spirit of submission and wisdom. Tell Him to give you that discerning spirit that will help you plug in into the nearest clinic.
The main problem is when patients think they are alright and do not need to see a doctor. Most patients Google their diagnoses only to find many other patients with their findings online and together they build a database of erroneous treatment. Just ask the main doctor of the correct information. The only thing He needs from you is faith for without faith you cannot please Him.
Remember people do not throw stones at trees that do not have any fruits so the fact that there is a war on clinics, junior doctors, nurses, patients, the main doctor Himself and even the main hospital means that there is something being fought by other hospitals that look so fancy but charge for all their services, including stepping on their carpet.
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