7 Habits of highly effective people by Steve R Covey is my book this month. I thought, why should I try to consolidate everything on one post about a book review while I can do multiple posts about each chapter?
I was in Kkrew on Tuesday and the place was so hot so I stepped out for some air and I found this beauty ushering. She is called Tish. I have been seeing her around, ever smiling, high self-esteem and courageous. She smiles as soon as she sees me and we start a conversation,
“Hi it’s been long. When last did we see each other? TSO?” (I then remember that we were with her at the Kkrew’s 2015 TSO )
“Yeeah.. it’s been long, am doing great. You ushering today?”
“Yeah, am apparently doing so.”
So I ask her how this job is. If she loves ushering, what makes her giggle a lot, if she fakes it all etc.
“You know, Siloma, am not doing it for people, am doing it for God.”
A thought runs in me, ‘Cut it Tish, I have heard very many versions of this, am used to you know it is for Jesus, am called to service etc’
I ask her, “Now because you are too busy smiling to strangers, greeting and welcoming them, do you do it because you want them to feel good or because it is every usher’s requirement to do so? Is this the natural you or do you want to please them and show them, ‘Hey am Tish and I usher in the biggest youth ministry in Kenya.?’
She smiles again and says,
“You know Siloma, not everyone who walks in this Bible Study is as jubilant as me and you. Most have like 155 problems.”
“Hey, how did you know I don’t have 156 problems, and how did you know it’s 155 problems? Did you count? Were you given special training in arithmetic problem estimation? And if they indeed have the 155 or 160 or whatever number of problems, how do you come into play?”
Very composed, with a smily face, the remarks,
“That’s just a figure of speech Siloma, and I was taking you as an example. Anyway, people come from different walks of life, people get burdened by so many things, just by greeting them and wishing them an awesome experience in the Bible Study changes so many things, the smile itself gives them a positive energy which they walk around with impacting everyone around them and in turn changes their moods. Try greeting someone and smile to them and tell them welcome.”
A girl, approximately 5.8″ in height, dressed in dark blue jeans and a light blue top rushes to upstairs and slows down as she nears the place we stood. Her eyes are stuck to her black Huawei phone scrolling probably what maybe a WhatsApp conversation, she flicks her watery eyes on us and I inaudibly say, with Tish all smily and audible
“Hi, Welcome to Kkrew.”
She looks at us and gets back to her phone rushing to climb the stairs. I feel stupid, I feel ignored and worthless. The thoughts of ‘who is that chic?’ ‘Whom does she think she is?’ run inside my cranium and I ask Tish,
“How do you handle people like those? People with their bad negative energy? People who would just look at you as another girl seeking recognition?”
She smiles again
“As I said before it is not about me, it is about God. If he/she doesn’t say anything, well at least I played my part and since it is about Him, He will handle the rest.”
“I cannot do this anymore, I cannot handle negative people. What if you yourself had a bad mood? How woud do you handle others?”
“I just don’t come and stand over here awaiting to usher, I have to be psychologically prepared, we pray before this. We have to commit this to the Lord before we start. Like today, I had a very bad day. A completely ruined one but here I am serving, all smily.”
“Well, Tish I have learnt a lot today from what you do. I have to get back and listen to the sermon.”
A story is told of Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, an author of my next read in April ‘Man’s search for meaning’ (you should really grab this one, it’s reviews are awesome). He went through some of the most horrific experiences ever known to man. Yet, from within the depths of extreme and severe suffering, he developed insights that helped change the world for the better. He was a Jewish-Austrian psychiatrist who survived the Nazi death camps. He realized that he alone had the power to determine his response to the horror of the situation. He chose to become proactive rather than reactive in whatever stimulus that was provoking him. It is said that he used to help the Nazi guards who were suffering deep inside despite him being in a more burdening and heart-breaking situation.
There is a very interesting read in the book that says;
Your life doesn’t just “happen.” Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.
Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can’t keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are “response-able.” They don’t blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power–you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language–I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language–I can’t, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do–they have no choice.
I recently left several WhatsApp groups that were full of negativity, politics, ill-language, directs attacks to members, complaints and endless apologies. It was so funny that all along the texts read ‘Admin we should do something to stop this.’ ‘Admin, we should remove the people who are instigating this’ ‘We should have rules in this group.’ I used to post my articles in those groups. I used to get 1 or 2 comments from the few who bothered to read and many times I got none. People continued to post their jokes and foul language until ultimately in my own finite thinking I decided that I should not be in those groups.
I thought that I was not doing my best to inspire the people around me. I thought that those groups were not a better platform for my posts. It was not until immediately that I got a text from a number not in my contacts list which read, (rephrased)
“Hey Mr. I just saw you left two groups, seems you are not comfortable in either. I will really miss your creative posts.”
She continues in Swahili where she says
“Wewe hutia baadhi moyo wa kuendelea na safari ya maisha. Kama hakuna mtu hajawahi kukueleza, wacha nikueleze. Barikiwa sana kwa kazi yako nzuri. Nakuombea mazuri, Kwaheri.”
(You give us the urge and courage to trek through the life’s journey. If no one never told you that, let me tell you today. Be blessed on the good work you do. Wishing you the best. Goodbye.)
I was down struck, I felt a certain heaviness in my heart. There was this wave of guilt and regret and I whispered, “God, I have gone against your will. I thought of a much bigger platform to share my posts on but I neglected this one. I have thought myself to be this superstar who now has to change his audience. I have forgotten my main aim, ‘If it means to inspire one in a million I should really do so.’ I have been mean, depriving people of inspiration, hope and motivation. I have wanted my will to be done and not yours.”
I then remember of this photo.
In which she really emphasizes
“Don’t stop doing your best in what you do, Do it more and more. You benefit people around you making them move from nowhere to somewhere.”
She continues to say
“Never forget that in a society of friends and family, there will be people of different personalities and characters and for life to be complete, people with short and high tempers, people who are rude, humble, arrogant, merciless, optimistic and pessimistic, understanding and non-understanding, those who bring peace and those who take every last bit of it must be among us and what we are supposed to do is to cope with all of them.”
I almost cried because of these statements, her words dug deep in me reminding me that am not supposed to be mean, that am support to pick what is good in my environment and ignore the chaff. She hits hit hard when she says,
“It is not that am not irritated by stuff in that group, I keep silent and follow the few good things, like what you post, the Silomasays posts, and life goes on. I don’t let what is in the group interfere with my daily undertakings.”
I was speechless, lacking no words to say. I was chatting with someone who I inspire, someone who reads every of my single posts and that someone was bereft because she will lose touch of the posts I used to send, that person will no longer get inspired because I let the stimulus of negative persons in the group get into me.
The parable of the lost sheep, the shepherd leaves 99 sheep for the one. One that looks insignificant to many of us. How many times have you disregarded the one because of the 99? How many times have you chosen to move with the masses because the you feel ‘The One’ is insignificant?
The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
Her name, as it read from the chats in the group is ‘Dama Nads’ and the groups were deep from Maasailand. Dama, you have really changed my perspective of many things, and guess what, you have really changed the perspective of the many who will read this post. You are the hero of this post. You are behind the changed minds today, you have taught many not to follow the masses, you have taught persons to be proactive, you have reminded them that they are response-able and that no matter the stimulus in their life, they should choose otherwise, to flee from bitterness, anger, despair, hopelessness etc.
I could as well choose to ignore what Dama wrote to me simply because she may be a poor Maasai girl who knows nothing. I could have chosen to ignore whatever she said because maybe my audience has grown and I do not need to hear about some boring WhatsApp groups but guys this is another lesson to learn, never ignore whoever comes to you no matter your level of judgement on them. A Swahili proverbs goes,
Mtu hakatai mwito, hukataa alichoitiwa. (People do not object to being called, they object to what they are called for)
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,
Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?